Cold Embrace
by Padfoot24601
Summary: They all left me, and they are never coming back. Here is a one shot about Remus and his feelings on Lily and James and Sirius on 31st October 1981. Enjoy! T for naughty language and murderous thoughts. Please review.


**Disclaimer- I do not own Harry Potter...damn.**

**Erm this is a oneshot about how Remus felt after James and Lily died.**

**Hope you like it!**

**Padfoot197**

_Cold Embrace_

_They all left me...and they are never coming back._

That was Remus's first coherent thought in days. Since he saw the house, since he heard the news, since he saw the bastard that killed the best friends he had ever had. Since he saw the bastard that had ruined everything he held dear, since his whole world came crashing down around him.

"_Where are they Hagrid? Where are Lily and James?"_

"_Yeh don't wan t' see them Remus, it won' help"_

"_I do not care Hagrid, I do not give a shit what it will do I just want to see them. Now move out of my way or I will force you to"_

_Remus ran towards the ruins not ready for what would be waiting for him. He saw James first. There he was in the door way, face slack, glasses askew. He was nothing like the real James. On the floor in front of him had to be a pale imitation of his best friend because this was clearly not James Potter. Where was the smile? _

_Dead. _

_Where was the twinkle in his eyes? _

_Dead. _

_The laughter? _

_Dead. _

_The jokes?_

_Dead._

_All dead. Dead. Dead. DEAD, DEAD, DEAD! James Potter would never come back because life was just too damn unfair for that to happen. Too damn unfair to let the innocents live._

_Remus ran up what was left of the stairs hoping against everything rational that Lily was okay. But no-Lily was not okay. One glance told Remus that. Her left leg was bent in a position that would have been uncomfortable had she been alive-which she clearly wasn't. Her emerald green eyes now mere stones in their sockets and her blood red hair fanned out on the floor. They both stood out in stark contrast to her unnaturally white skin. There was even the smallest smile playing around her lips. Was she happy to be dead? _

Remus could still see their faces; they were burned in to his eyelids and into the air around him-always there, never leaving. Did they not get tired of haunting Remus without rest? Pulling yet another bottle of fire whiskey towards him he didn't see the flat in which he had hid for days. He saw yet more faces this time belonging to Peter Pettigrew and Harry Potter, two more innocents caught up in the needless war.

_He didn't even know where he was anymore and his spinning head was not making things any easier. All he knew was that he had to find out about Harry._

"_Where is Harry Hagrid?"_

"_He's at his aunt an uncle's"_

"_So he's alive? Good, that is good, erm I have to go...tell Peter..." Remus told him trying to make sense of things._

"_Will you be alrigh' Remus?"_

"_What me? Oh yes I'll be fine, I'll be just dandy because my life is so fucking perfect! Now if you'll excuse me I have to go"._

_He apparated on the spot and appeared outside Peter's house with a loud crack and staggered towards the door then knocked very loudly. But there was no answer, so Remus knocked again-no answer. And he knocked again and again and again whilst the house before him showed no signs of life. Eventually in a fit of reckless panic Remus broke the door down himself._

"_Peter? Peter where are you? I need you Peter, now!"_

_There was no sign of a struggle everything was neat and ordered just how Peter liked it. Yet something was wrong. Something that Remus couldn't decide on._

_Sirius._

_This was all Sirius's fault._

_It was Sirius who had ruined everything, Remus should have seen it coming, Sirius who had always seemed so brave and loyal-the least likely to break. But of course he did break it must have been all those years with his family that had finally done it. Maybe he was never on their side; maybe he was always like that and had been planning the deaths for years. Or he could have been scared of his own death; the fear may finally have caught up with the coward. Remus wasn't sure which option he preferred all he knew was that Sirius was a dirty traitor that deserved to burn in hell with Voldemort._

_Of course he had decided that Lily and James weren't enough so he had taken Peter as well. Well he wasn't going to get Remus-he didn't need to, Remus could take care of himself and hopefully he would take the bastard down with him._

_The mist that had resided around Remus since finding out lifted revealing the world around him. Suddenly the world was crystal clear and Remus knew exactly what he had to do; with a determined glint in his eyes and a small twisted smile forming around his lips he turned towards the door of Peter's small flat and set out to do his duty to Lily and James._

_I didn't do it though did I? _

That was all Remus thought as he looked into the burning fire that was keeping him as warm as his deadened insides would allow. He took another sip of the fire whiskey and revelled in the searing fire it sent down his throat. Remus reasoned with himself that he wouldn't have had it him to kill Black even if he had had the chance. He was far too cowardly to do that in his "human" form, he couldn't even finish himself off.

But in his wolf form he could have. He would have relished the taste of tainted blood, the muffled sound of soft flesh being torn. The crunch of bone under his jaws would have been a welcome sensation to the hungry wolf, and as Black's screams pierced the air he would have taken a moment to let them imprint themselves into his memory before they were cut off with a pitiful gurgle.

Remus would have been executed after this for sure. In all honesty it would have been a sweet release for the broken man. Remus would have welcomed the cold embrace of death as he felt the pain fade and his damaged heart grind to a stop.

However that was not what had happened and no amount of wishing could ever change that.

_It had been a whole day since Remus had started searching for Black when he heard the screaming._

"_HOW COULD YOU SIRIUS, HOW COULD YOU BETRAY LILY AND JAMES?" a familiar voiced asked._

_Remus rounded the corner just as the bang sounded. Debris and bodies littered the street and injured people ran crying for help. In the middle of it all stood a bewildered Black who looked unsure of what he had just done. _

_Remus's previously clear eye sight was clouded yet again this time by a red haze and he set forward towards the off guard Black._

"_Freeze Black freeze!" a hit wizard shouted barging past Remus._

_Black didn't even raise his wand as he was pushed to the ground, he just continued to look around him before bursting into hysterical laughter._

"_Oh he's good...ha..." he laughed letting the Aurors lead him away. "I'll give him that, the sneak...ha ha...never knew he had it in him...ha...who knew...ha ha ha...the clever little bastard!"_

_Remus just stood there as the ministry officials dragged Black away; he just watched his chance pass by him. _

_It seemed that it wouldn't be the ministry finishing him off after all. He would just have to do it himself._

Remus glared at the final jeering face that blocked his view and felt and overwhelming jealousy at the Dementors of Azkaban. Not only did they never feel the pain that plagued human life but they also had the chance to destroy Black bit by bit until all that was left was an empty soulless shell.

Downing the last of his fire whiskey Remus picked up his wand and smiled. Now was time to finish his final task, now was time to slip into deaths cold embrace.

**So what did you think?**

**We all know that Remus didn't die (YEY!) so it's up to you to decide why he lived. I had a feeling that his mum walking in wouldn't go down well so I've left it to you to decide!**

**Please review...make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, for Remus.**

**Padfoot197**


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